Twas the day after Thanksgiving
And all through the mall
Lunatics were stirring;
A real free for all.
The decorations were hung
Throughout the mall with care
Been up since before Halloween
Alongside the pumpkins, turkeys, and the Hanukkah bear.
Hey, it rhymes. Kinda like the Hanukkah armadillo from Friends.
Bad poetry aside, I was out there with them. Everywhere I went people were well behaved and friendly. Except we made fun of the folks wearing matching holiday shirts and Santa hats. That’s just wrong. Those folks are serious shoppers and I kept my distance from them. They had pre-coordinated their movements like a dance troupe – one grabbed the cart, two ran ahead and grabbed boxes of electronics, holding them up for scrutiny by the head elf in the group who decided if it made it into the cart or back on the shelf, and one held a place in the check-out line. I imagine they had been camping outside for at least a day and a half. I wasn’t as organized and came home after my big purchases of delicate wash things for myself and a corn dog. You just don’t get these kinds of encounters with on-line shopping.
Friday, November 27, 2009
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Holiday Cheer
I love holiday movies. Doesn’t matter how many times I’ve seen them. Year after year I love to watch them all. I started watching them yesterday and am so happy to have them while I’m being a slug on the couch. But that means my sister has to watch them too. She’s ready to poke her eye out. Or so she says. But then she grabs the remote and rewinds the movie to see the parts she may have missed if she gets a phone call or leaves the room to fetch me something. She can go on with her bah-humbug self. I know just the thing to cheer her up – more holiday movies! The next time she leaves the room I’m grabbing the remote and will set all the movies to record on the DVR so we have an endless supply! Ho Ho Ho!
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
For the Boys
I was sent home from surgery with 4 drains. These are plastic bulbs at the end of a long tube. One end of the tube is deep inside my body and the other end of the tube has the bulb attached and the bodily fluids (mostly blood and tissue) collect in the bulb. Another thing Caregiver Sue must do is empty and measure each bulb and record it’s output and color. My nephews would be fascinated with this stuff. Right up their alley alongside poops, farts, and snot. Sue and I have become quite well versed on the red family – red, fire engine red, cranberry, burgundy, coral red, crimson, chestnut, scarlet, and sangria. Today we have moved into the pinks, oranges, and clears: dark pink, amaranth, cardinal, fuchsia, magenta, maroon, mauve, rose, violet, terra cotta, and vermilion. The content of the bulbs gets more gunked up as the days pass too. Eventually I get all the drains removed. Then it’s back to talking about poops, farts, and snot with the nephews.
Sharing the Loopy
I think my sister has been sampling my prescribed narcotics. She’s making me a protein shake now and laughing hysterically to herself. She said, "get out the whey” then went into gangster rap about “Git out da way!” She’s cracking herself up. Then as she is moving around the kitchen, trying to find stuff she laughed that wicked witch laugh and said, “oh it’s pay-back time”. Apparently I emptied her dishwasher once when I was there and she couldn’t find dishes for weeks. She’s threatening to rearrange and hide stuff in my kitchen. I’ll let her have her fun now, but, if she touches my chocolate and moves it to a place I cannot find, then she’ll be needing more than prescribed narcotics to recover. Just sayin’.
Walk, Sip, Walk, Sip, Repeat
The biggest things I have to remember to do now are to walk, which promotes healing, and to sip fluids, which keeps me hydrated. Well, that’s the instructions all the medical folks have told me about. Personally, I’d add the pain pills to the very top of that list, but I’m just the patient.
Anyway, as soon as the nurse said I could get up and walk, I did. Sue was there in the room and helped the nurse teach me how to get out of bed (now I know where the expression “rolling out of bed” comes from!) and I walked from the bed to the door of my room. Sue always makes things a fun game and she said I had to touch the door before going back to bed, so I did. The next time I walked I went down the hall and touched the door at the end of the hallway before going back to bed. After shift change another Nazi nurse made me walk a big lap around the floor, but she described the paintings on the wall as we went. The wife of one of the doctors painted a bunch of them and they were abstract, yet if you studied them you could see candles in one, eyeballs in the next one, and I think I saw the Lochness monster in another. When Sue came in, she made me get out of bed and play “hide from the nurse”. She made me walk laps on the floor, but she ducked us down hallways we weren’t suppose to be in so the Nazi nurse couldn’t find us. Sue’s got my back!
Anyway, as soon as the nurse said I could get up and walk, I did. Sue was there in the room and helped the nurse teach me how to get out of bed (now I know where the expression “rolling out of bed” comes from!) and I walked from the bed to the door of my room. Sue always makes things a fun game and she said I had to touch the door before going back to bed, so I did. The next time I walked I went down the hall and touched the door at the end of the hallway before going back to bed. After shift change another Nazi nurse made me walk a big lap around the floor, but she described the paintings on the wall as we went. The wife of one of the doctors painted a bunch of them and they were abstract, yet if you studied them you could see candles in one, eyeballs in the next one, and I think I saw the Lochness monster in another. When Sue came in, she made me get out of bed and play “hide from the nurse”. She made me walk laps on the floor, but she ducked us down hallways we weren’t suppose to be in so the Nazi nurse couldn’t find us. Sue’s got my back!
Popsicles and Percocets
I had elective surgery Monday. Sister Sue came up to be with me and will stay to take care of me. I came through the surgery in great shape. They give good drugs.
Waking up afterwards was fun. In recovery I remember waking up hungry and thirsty. My lips were chapped and my throat dry from the tube in my throat. The nurse asked if I wanted crackers and 7-up. I just said, “Run.” The nurse said, “Excuse me? Did I run here? Yes, I just got here.” Sue just stood there laughing because she knew what I wanted. She knew I wanted food and water NOW and I meant the nurse should hurry and run and get those for me right away.
Sue’s been a great help and I couldn’t have done it without her. She helped me eat my dinner of Jell-o, lemon ice, and sprite zero. There was broth, but it was really salty so I only had one bite of that. She’d never fed anyone that had their eyes closed the entire time, just barking orders as to what the next bite should be. That’s how I roll.
I graduated to a cheese omelet for breakfast and club sandwich and chips for lunch. I guess they got tired of feeding me cause they sent me home after lunch. Sue has set her alarm to give me pain meds. There’s been lengthy discussions with Cheryl – who has the medical background and first hand knowledge from her broken leg – about when and how to give my pain meds. Whatever was decided upon it is working! Sue sets her alarm and gives me my pain pill, a drink, and crackers before recording it in the log and going back to bed. I can’t seem to get comfortable enough to sleep yet, but that was an expected problem I knew I’d have to deal with. I’ll fill the time up by writing incoherent blog entries. The pain is indescribable. There’s a reason we have no vocabulary for such pain. I guess it’s like giving birth – it hurts now, but you forget the pain and go through it all again with another child. I have 3 more procedures I want to have done and while I’m trying to talk myself out of them because of this big pain, I know I’ll do them anyway – many, many years from now. Well, I guess I could move it up if I could find chocolate covered pain meds. That would make it all worthwhile.
Waking up afterwards was fun. In recovery I remember waking up hungry and thirsty. My lips were chapped and my throat dry from the tube in my throat. The nurse asked if I wanted crackers and 7-up. I just said, “Run.” The nurse said, “Excuse me? Did I run here? Yes, I just got here.” Sue just stood there laughing because she knew what I wanted. She knew I wanted food and water NOW and I meant the nurse should hurry and run and get those for me right away.
Sue’s been a great help and I couldn’t have done it without her. She helped me eat my dinner of Jell-o, lemon ice, and sprite zero. There was broth, but it was really salty so I only had one bite of that. She’d never fed anyone that had their eyes closed the entire time, just barking orders as to what the next bite should be. That’s how I roll.
I graduated to a cheese omelet for breakfast and club sandwich and chips for lunch. I guess they got tired of feeding me cause they sent me home after lunch. Sue has set her alarm to give me pain meds. There’s been lengthy discussions with Cheryl – who has the medical background and first hand knowledge from her broken leg – about when and how to give my pain meds. Whatever was decided upon it is working! Sue sets her alarm and gives me my pain pill, a drink, and crackers before recording it in the log and going back to bed. I can’t seem to get comfortable enough to sleep yet, but that was an expected problem I knew I’d have to deal with. I’ll fill the time up by writing incoherent blog entries. The pain is indescribable. There’s a reason we have no vocabulary for such pain. I guess it’s like giving birth – it hurts now, but you forget the pain and go through it all again with another child. I have 3 more procedures I want to have done and while I’m trying to talk myself out of them because of this big pain, I know I’ll do them anyway – many, many years from now. Well, I guess I could move it up if I could find chocolate covered pain meds. That would make it all worthwhile.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Fact or Crap 3
We played a modified version of the Fact or Crap game last night. Z-man read the questions aloud and we each just yelled out “fact” or “crap” depending on if we thought the statement was true or false. It was late and we were exhausted from a day of tailgating and football. I kept yelling out “don’t give a crap” for my answer – I was tired. Glen was snoring in between questions, then would rouse long enough to mutter “fact” or “crap”. We were all amused by this, and it got funnier when he actually got them correct. I went to bed early and still am wondering if titanium is the hardest natural substance in the world. Well, according to my nephew, his poop might qualify for that title. Sigh.
Fact or Crap 2
In visiting with my brother and family, the nephews, ages 12 and 14, felt the need to announce, then describe (in great detail) all of their bodily functions. Continually. Nothing was off limits – pooping, farting, and the gunk that came out of their noses. I’m told it’s not a guy thing, nor is it a teenager thing, but rather a family thing and if I wanted to remain a member of this fine, stellar family then I would need to get with the program.
I’ll leave the poop discussions to Dr. Oz, and I’m not touching the snot rag analysis, but I do know a little about farting. Cut the cheese, stink burger, toilet tune, silent but deadly, rip one, let one go, backdoor breeze, pop a fluffy, gas attack, jockey burner, cut loose, nose death, backfire, stink bomb, bun shaker, tail wind, lethal cloud, bean blower, burnin’ rubber, fowl howl, fog slicer, squeak one out, and toot.
Hey Z-man, pull my finger!
I’ll leave the poop discussions to Dr. Oz, and I’m not touching the snot rag analysis, but I do know a little about farting. Cut the cheese, stink burger, toilet tune, silent but deadly, rip one, let one go, backdoor breeze, pop a fluffy, gas attack, jockey burner, cut loose, nose death, backfire, stink bomb, bun shaker, tail wind, lethal cloud, bean blower, burnin’ rubber, fowl howl, fog slicer, squeak one out, and toot.
Hey Z-man, pull my finger!
Fact or Crap 1
Glen started months ago planning for Cheryl’s surprise birthday present. He bought tickets for the UT/OSU football game in Stillwater for this past weekend. He also wanted to surprise Sue. He got Nancy to tell Sue her friends were coming this past weekend to visit, when in reality, Glen and family would come up from Austin, and I would come down from Lawrence, KS. Glen gave Cheryl the tickets on her birthday the week before. They left after the boys got out of school on Friday and got to Sue’s around midnight. They banged on the door and when Sue answered they were standing there singing “The Eyes of Texas Are Upon You". Sue was so surprised! When I showed up the next morning I heard her from down the road scream, “That’s my sister!” Glen got her good.
We went to the tailgate party hours before the game – Sue and Nancy in OSU shirts, the rest of us in UT outfits. We looked good. The OSU fans were very nice and friendly to all the UT fans. We responded in kind by not cramming the subsequent OSU loss down their throats hours later. Like Cheryl said, “No matter the outcome, orange wins!”
We went to the tailgate party hours before the game – Sue and Nancy in OSU shirts, the rest of us in UT outfits. We looked good. The OSU fans were very nice and friendly to all the UT fans. We responded in kind by not cramming the subsequent OSU loss down their throats hours later. Like Cheryl said, “No matter the outcome, orange wins!”
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)