Chain Saw Massacre

My house was scheduled to be painted this summer, so I bought a chain saw in the spring. Made sense to me at the time. I decided to cut back the bushes for better access to the house. I was cutting the back of the evergreens in the front yard and found to my horror that they grew much like Donald Trump’s comb-over. I trimmed a branch from the back and the entire limb from the front came with it. It was wild. The before and after:



My backyard has always consisted of two trees with two bushes in front – much what a kindergartener would draw. I decided to build a garden wall around these trees forming one bed and added more plantings. I also put the chain saw to good use trimming tree branches. Before and after:



Have chain saw; Will travel. Let me know if you are looking to thin out your yard!

One of Those Days - All Week

It started with running errands around town. I came out of the grocery, loaded groceries in the back of the car and noticed liquid coming out of the wheel well. I put my hand in it and it was definitely gasoline. I called for a service appointment. The internet told me that since there were no dash board lights or messages that it was probably a small leak in the fuel line or gas tank and that I should have it looked at soon. I also knew everything on the car is still under warranty, so I wasn’t too worried. I was relieved to have made it to the dealership without needing a tow, although the check engine light had come on in route and I was getting nervous! I was given a loaner car from the service department.
When I checked my messages I noticed that the nice man who called didn’t laugh out loud; rather, he gently explained that I hadn’t put the gas cap on when I filled the tank up with gas, thus the leaking gas and smelly garage. He tightened the cap, reset the code, and my car was ready to be picked up. Man, did I feel stupid.
Which brings me to my next rant! WHY does the CHECK ENGINE light come on when the gas cap isn’t put on properly? To me (obviously a non-mechanic) when the check engine light comes on it exudes impending doom. It’s like a neon flashing light screaming, “Danger, Will Robinson!” not to be ignored. Forgetting to put the gas cap on should be a separate warning light or message. Especially since this is not the first time the check engine light has come on for me because the gas cap wasn’t put back on correctly. Yes, this has happened to me before. My car doesn’t do it’s checks and balances of the car though every time the car is started or else I’d have remembered that I had just filled it with gas. My check engine light didn’t come on until four trips later. Just sayin’…
So back to my little story…
I returned the courtesy car and got my car. I had dinner with a friend while in town and didn’t get home for hours. I didn’t realize I had left my laptop in the back of the loaner vehicle until I got home, hours after they had closed on Saturday. So I made plans to drive back to the dealership to be there when they opened this morning (Monday).
I woke early to thunderstorms. I got up and got ready for my 6am trip to the big city so I could be there when they opened at 7am to get my laptop. On the way out of town I decided to water the flowers on the front porch. I was turning the big flower pot on the porch when I saw something that made the hair on the back of my neck stand at attention and I froze so as not to make any sudden moves. I slowly walked backwards into the garage, got in my car and drove very far away, very fast. I was prepared to put a FOR SALE sign in the front yard today. Instead, I called animal control on the way to Kansas City and asked them to please remove the snake from my front porch. It’s solid black, about four feet long and a little bigger than a garden hose around – can’t miss it.
My laptop was right where I left it in the back of the courtesy car. I drove home and was greeted with a message from animal control that there was no snake on the porch when they got here. Great. I may just put that FOR SALE sign out anyway.

Text Messages

My friend sent me this joke today, and I can't help but post it here...

In the world of hi-tech gadgetry, I've noticed that more and
more people who send text messages and emails have long
forgotten the "art" of capitalization.

For those of you who fall into this category, please take note:

"Capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack
off a horse, and helping your uncle jack off a horse. "

Is everybody clear on that?

Can You Hear Me Now?

The rapture was suppose to happen at 6pm today. As if on cue, the tornado sirens went off just after 6pm here. Bad storms with hail and tornados in the area. I’ll admit… I did take pause for a second. It’s 3 hours later and I’m here to say that my world didn’t end. I do have a little post rapture gas though from all the crap I ate today, signifying all is back to normal. Hope this finds you well too.

Window (and door) To My Soul

I'm getting my new patio door today. Also getting the window next to it replaced. I gave the salesman all my money 8 weeks ago. The installers (outsourced by the window people) called to cancel last week's install date because of rain, and oh, by the way, they couldn't match the interior stain very well. Great. An hour later the window salesman calls and first words out of his mouth were, "I understand you're having a problem with your window." I politely told him the problem I'm having with my window is that I haven't seen it yet. He explained that the installers called him from an installation to say the window was broken. I informed him the installers were not at my house, nor scheduled to be, and that he had the wrong customer. No, he spoke to my installer and he's sure it's my window that is broken and what did I want him to do about MY problem. Well, I lost it right then and there. It was not pretty. Bottom line, the installers are here now installing my new patio door and window. The window works and the stain is gorgeously matched. Amazing how that happened. Why do I have to go into bitch mode to get it done right? Seriously makes me crazy.

Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood

“Sorry about all the smoke and noise coming from my house today.” That’s how my email began…

The HVAC company came out to do spring tune up on the air conditioner. When I saw the smoke I went outside to see if I needed the fire department. He explained the best way to get the grass and leaves out of the unit is to burn it out. Apparently they do this every year, but the winds were strong today, thus carrying the smell and smoke for my neighbors to enjoy too.

When he finished, he was putting on his shoes to leave and leaned his hand against the wall for balance. He accidently pushed the ARM button on the security system by the back door. The high pitched, very loud alarm sounded as he walked out. I pressed the DISARM button, but it wanted me to enter a code I've never known. I called the alarm company and was told that because I didn't have service with them that they wouldn't help me. Perhaps the decibel level in the background was such that she felt sorry for me because she finally said to look for the wall plug that the unit was plugged into and unplug it, and if I needed more help I could go to their website and sign up for service. They are, after all, running a special now. Ugh! We searched for an electrical outlet with something plugged in it and couldn't find one.

I went next door, hoping they have the same unit as I do. The alarm was still blaring. My neighbor showed me their box in the garage and how to disengage it. Grateful, the HVAC guy and I went on a scavenger hunt all over my house and attic but to no avail. He left and I called the local locksmith and begged them to come. The alarm finally shut off and as long as I didn't open any doors or windows the alarm wouldn't go off again, but the unit chirped annoyingly six times every three minutes, as I'm sure all of my neighbors can attest to. I met the locksmith in the driveway and asked if he brought a shot gun. He was gonna have to use it on me if he couldn't get the unit to be quiet. When he took the case off the unit the hideous alarm went off again. He worked quickly with the tools he brought and when the quiet came, it was joyous! Apparently my unit is self-contained in the wall unit. I'd have taken a sledge hammer to the wall sooner had I known that! Anyway, I asked what I owed him and he said nothing. Word of mouth was more important to him and he left me some business cards to let my friends and neighbors know that in addition to being locksmiths, they do security system monitoring now too. I immediately emailed an apology to my neighbors with my high praise and recommendation for the locksmith company to do alarm system monitoring.

I have adequately paid it forward. Quiet and order is restored to the neighborhood once again. I should rephrase that to say that quiet and order is restored to the neighborhood once again, for now.

Happy Spring!

What a Difference An Hour Makes

There's snow on the ground - again. I'm pretty sure the skies are crying over that lost hour from daylight savings time yesterday. Sigh.

Goodwill Hunting

I belong to a group on Facebook that is doing an event called Goodwill Hunting. The rules: Go to Goodwill, Salvation Army, or any other thrift store (no consignment shops allowed) and spend no more than $25 on an outfit. It costs $2 to enter, and $2 to vote. We had 2 weeks to shop. I drug my friend June out, er, I mean, June graciously volunteered to go shopping with me, which was a godsend as you know how I hate to shop - I implode. We had 2 days to post only one picture. The group will vote in the next 2 days. Winner announced after voting closed. Here's my entry:

Post: Black jeans - $6.75; Olive green 3/4 sleeve top - $3.95; wrinkle-free, no iron - priceless!


You must know that I also found a really cute Halloween costume and a snow shovel. I took a pic of them, but didn't enter these. If I had the caption would have read something like:
Halloween costume - $4.95; snow shovel - $2.00; finding a snow shovel before the biggest storm of the year - priceless!

They've Got Game

Texas came to Kansas for a little game of basketball. Kansas lost. There wasn’t a lot of smack talk before the game and most of the post game chatter agrees with the score. Even Glen took it easy on me with the trash talk… With 15 minutes left in the game and Texas the clear and obvious winner I got a text that read, “Uh Oh”. Clear. Concise. True. Granted, they broke the nation’s longest home winning streak and knocked Kansas out of the No. 2 spot, but what’s a Kansas fan to do? Clearly Texas played better and deserved the win. One post game comment sums it up perfectly, “Fact is, their kids running around in their high-tech underwear threw the ball through the hoop more times than our kids running around in their high tech underwear.” So I’m wearing my Texas sweatshirt today in honor of their win. Woot!